Big DAY!

Well, tomorrow is a BIG day for Tryston!!! In November our skin testing went horribly WRONG! Jeff went to his men's prayer group and they prayed over Tryston and our broken hearts! A week before Christmas we received the blood tests back and they totally contradicted the skin tests! I showed ZERO presence of the dairy and egg allergy and little to no peanut allergy!!! Dr. Leickly recommended that we continue with a food trial and TOMORROW is the day! Whoo Hoo! We are so excited to be trialing dairy. I am also scared out of my mind to tell you the truth! I know there are many people praying for our little man...and Pastor Tim prayed over us again in Church today! Our appointment is 4 hours long for the trial and starts at 8am...please say a prayer for us tomorrow!

Also, on a separate note! To date I have lost 42 lbs! Only 6 weeks out of surgery! I am super excited! Just thought I would share!!! :)

Psalm 118:24
This is the day that the LORD has made;let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Moving Forward...And NOT Looking back!

Why do we choose to go through life being torn down? Why do we choose to allow ourselves to self-destruct? Why do we let things get to a point that your only two choices are to give up or press on like there is no tomorrow? Why do we live for tomorrow when today is RIGHT in front of us desiring our attention? Why? Because we are human, weak and tired. But with that very choice we have the opportunity to turn life around. With one word of affirmation we can turn a dull and dismal situation into the bright spring-like hope that we all desire. Today is THAT day for me!

Today is my surgery! Today IS MY new day! MY new hope! For the last 4 1/2 years I have lived in misery. Not being able to chase after kids, tie my own shoes, catch my breath and the list goes on. Today is the first step back to a life where I was once healthy and was not ridden with diabetes and arthritis! It is going to take a lot of work but I am ready to face my giant and with God's amazing grace and strength I am going to turn this mess around!

There are so many people who have rallied around me with prayers, love and support! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Please keep praying!!!

Looking for the Mini ME!

Five years ago I can tell you that I was happy and healthy. Today...I am still happy but not all that healthy and that is going to change.

In 2004 we started the journey to get pregnant. Through infertility and some other issues I packed on some weight...and THEN got pregnant! Then during pregnancy packed on more weight...pick up type II diabetes...packed on more weight after the twins were born and here I am today! I am not shy to say that I put on 112 pounds since the day I met Jeff. Actually, to be even more factual...after I gave birth to Bryce (my 10 year old now) I weighed at most 120 pounds...so I was even under weight.

But...weight is not the issue. It is health! After the last 4 years of being unhealthy...I am putting my foot down. For the last year and half I have seen Dr. after Dr. to fully try to understand WHY I have packed on the weight. I know know why...and now I am tackling it head on.

On Dec 16th of this year I will undergo lap-band surgery. I have had 3 different Dr. opinions and several AH HA moments. This will not be an easy road...in fact it may even flat out suck at first. But I am ready.

Why? I am ready to be able to...play with my kids without issue, bend over without feeling like I will pass out, to feel like I look beautiful even when my husband tells me over and over again...I just want to feel healthy and beautiful.

As for support? My family is behind me 100%! I have some fantastic friends who have cheered me on this last year and half during this journey. I have plenty of respect for my Dr.. So me, myself and I are ready!

So...my goal? It took me a year and half to gain this mess...so I am shooting for 1 year to loose it. Ready! Set! GO! See you on the thinner side of life! :)

What I DO know...and what I don't CARE to know...

There are times in life where it can be a good thing to be on the other side of being in the "know"... When is a tricky situation and a good question.

I am now 32 years old and I am having some health issues. I want to KNOW why I feel like crap! I want to understand HOW to feel better...but no one can tell me! I know I have diabetes, arthritis, and to top all of that I am over weight. I AM doing something about it...but am I doing enough?

I am setting out on a journey to improve my health in several ways.

Emotionally, I am removing all of the crap in my life that drags me down. Whether it be a past issue or person I have news...HEADS UP...you have hit 3 strikes and you are out. I have also pondered for years if and when my father walks into my life what would I do? It has kept me in prison of sorts...no more! If and when is your choice...I am living for today to look forward to the future. I have had friends in the past who have caused confusion, confusion is not of God...so I am done with that too! You see, you can forgive and forget the deed and move on but choose to distance the hurt. I choose to move on because I do not need hurt in my life.

Spiritually, I am pressing forward to further my relationship with God. I want to go deeper, and wider with what God wants for me and my family. I want to walk daily in the WILL of God!

Physically, I am ready for a change. I am ready to feel better! I have taken some major steps in improving my health this year. I am working on a much LARGER change that I am very excited about...more details to follow soon!

Family, I want to relish in the love of my family! My family is amazing and I am so blessed to have them supporting me day in and day out. And I must add that having my husband home now has been a breath of fresh air!

Friends, where do I even begin? I am blessed with the friends I have and I cherish our friendships. Need I say more?

So, I DO know that I am moving forward with great anticipation...and no, I really do NOT want to hear anything negative...I just want to live in the "Know"!!!

I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you.Psalm 119:168

Makes you think...What if?

A few weeks ago we were sitting at the dinner table. It was a typical Sunday evening as I was preparing food for Tryston to eat all week. As we sat down to eat I had mentioned that the aroma of spaghetti, brownies, sloppy joes and a few other items all mixed together were very unappetizing. So to fix it I pulled out this brand new oil diffuser that was labeled to smell like Carmel apples...yum! I poured it and put the rods in and placed it on the table and thought the smell was absolutely heavenly! Until...

OK, so I will pause and put a plug in here that my boy twin Tryston is anaphylactic to dairy eggs and peanuts. He has gone into shock twice in his 3 year old life and on top of that he has a TOUCH allergy to dairy which means if he touches anything or anyone who has dairy on them or it...he can become very ill and could die.

OK, so here we all were enjoying dinner when all the sudden Tryston starts gasping for air. He can not breathe!!! I am thinking...what the HECK! Everything on this table is safe...nothing new...but the oil diffuser. I removed it quickly...started asking him questions and he was having a hard time telling me what was wrong. I threw on some clothes and proceeded to the nearest ER! When we got to the ER they immediately took his pulse-ox (I am sure that is not the medical way to write it..but phonetically it sounds right :) ) and he was indeed having issues! So they rushed him to the back and began checking him and administering a treatment. We were there 3-4 hours and they took tests and x-rays and then sent us home. we will follow-up with the results with our Riley Dr.

As we were walking out of the hospital I had this horrible flash-back of Tryston going into shock just a year or so ago. My son could have died if it were not the quick thinking of a certain teacher at our school. But how many times do we feel like, OMG my son almost died? I actually think about it every day, minute, second. When you almost loose a child and God hands them back to give you one more chance it really makes you think about your kids in a whole new light. Yes, I still discipline them, they are not crazy and into everything as if they rule my world...but when I hug them...I may hug them a wee bit tighter,kiss them more...or agree to snuggle when I really had a ton of work or homework that is due.

You see, life IS too short and there might not always be a 2nd chance. Every time Jeff and the kids leave I think...could it be the last time I say I love you? If so I had better make sure I say it. My oldest nephew Brian passed away from a horrible motorcycle accident and I think everyday what would I have said if I knew that on the phone that night was the last time I could talk to him? I live that regret everyday...I should have said I love you one more time.

So what will you do to ensure that if the "what ifs" become reality in your life you have said all that you wanted to, or hugged your spouse more or let your ten year old tell you one more joke just so you can hear them laugh....

Makes you think...

Through My Daughters Eyes...

My daughter Elyse is something else. She has my passion for life...my temperament (whoa boy)...but her daddy's enduring since of humor. I just love sitting back and watching her "do her thing" and just laugh. She is "going through something"...like a sassy GIRL thing and she is showing a new side. You see she is very stubborn (yes, I admit it) just like her mom...

Today she was home from school due to the snow fall and wanted to just hang with ME! I was thrilled because she is not the snuggle type...so when you get ANYTHING from her you take what you get! However today it was sad because she is getting taller and she no longer fits on my lap...in fact she is so tall her legs just draped over the chair!

We sat and talked about her doll...her nails...going shopping...friends...and her fear of dogs. Today she shared her perspective on many things including our hair color and skin color being different. She asked what I drank when she was in my tummy to make her skin so pretty! I just died laughing!

You see through her eyes we are the same, but different. I share many attributes with my children, but they do not exactly resemble me. In fact, when the twins were one we were at St. F in the lobby waiting to register them for their ear-tube surgery. The registration nurse came over and bent down and said "they are so cute, where did you adopt them from!" A few minutes later Jeff walked in from parking the car and the lady laughed and said..."now I see where you got the from!"

You see, they may never look like me, but to my daughter she does not see that. How amazing that God views us the same way. We may look 100% different from him, but we are still his children! I just love that! Funny how our kids teach us lessons at times. Just had to share! :)

Back on TRACK....

Today is Friday..I am sitting in my PJ's and have officially been working for about 3 hours now. I just love working from home! And I am thankful for the absence of video conf. today! :)

These past two weeks have been crazy and stressful...but oddly enough I have enjoyed them. Yes, I thrive off of stress and it seems to love me too!

Having said all of that...I also feel very neglectful. I have spent countless hours on a paper for school that I finally finished the other night at 3am! So I have neglected family and some very dear friends!!! So today I am going to try to catch up!!! With everything...ever heard of drinking out of a fire hose??? Today I plan on doing it!

You see, I try to be a good daughter of the king, wife, mom, sister, aunt, friend, and employee...but time and time again I miss the mark! I get busy with life and my focus wonders to another planet. But then there are the days that I get back on track! Today is that day!

I hope that if you have lost your focus on life that you too will make today about getting back on track!!! Have a great weekend!!!

Beautiful Blessings!

Today I feel extraordinarily blessed! No, I did not win the lottery (can't win if you do not agree with playing), and no I am not sitting at some spa...although that sounds good about now! Instead I am blessed by the people in my life!!!

This past 2 years have been anything BUT easy. Between Jeff being on the road for work, me getting the itch to go back to college, to Bryce hitting puberty, the twins in the terrible threes...the list goes on...BUT what makes this all worth while is how God has used people in my life to help and encourage me!

I am sure I will miss a few and please forgive me but this is what my support group looks like...are you sitting down???

My husband who called me every night and talked to me no matter how disgruntal I was...
My son Bryce who stepped up to being my little man of the house...
The twins for making me laugh when I wanted to cry...
My Mom for helping me with the house and loving me when I am absolutely unlovable...
My dad for being a man of integrity and for never forgetting to just call me when God laid me on his heart...
For my brothers for sending me emails and making me laugh...
For my sister-in-laws for putting up with all 3 of my brothers...and me too...
For my mother and father-in-law for always praying for us and for blessing Bryce with summers to remember...
For the Beech Tree House staff for loving my kids and teaching them God's love...
For the Church family at Grace for accepting us for who we are and for going above and beyond to ensure that our little Tryston can learn the word of God in a dairy-egg-peanut free enviroment...
For the MoMii group...what an amazing group of talented women...who LOVE CIP!!!! ;)
For Amie and Todd...you are amazing friends and we are blessed by you every day...
For Besty and Family...you ARE part of the Espiritu's whether you like it or not...
The Garcia's...you have blessed us in a million ways...we love you...
For the Meadow Bend Girls...for allowing me to vent and for loving me after I am done...
For my neighbors Sue and Larry...thank you for bringing my trash cans in...and mowing my grass when I was having a bad day :) Thank you!!!...
For my friend Amy...for just loving me and my kiddos...
For Lisa...for organizing my world :)...
Angel, Mohota, Jennifer and Alana for letting me into your circle of friends...and oh yeah...a new toilet seat?...
For Joni...for you being you and taking the pictures that make my heart melt...
For the creator of Facebook...you have made my disconnected world better again...
For my friend Milydia who is my lunch date buddy and dear friend...
For Caroline at Nordstom's for helping me conduct my monthly retail therapy session...
For Angie...for just being you...
For Lexi for reminding me that life is to short for discontent or meritocracy!!!
For Janna reminding me that LOVE is amazing and should be enjoyed and cherished!!!
For Marian College for giving me tools to reach an important goal in my life!

And for all of those who have loved us during a very difficult 2 years...who have listened to me ramble...shared a meal with us...came over just to sit and who have PRAYED for us!!!

You see, without all of these people I would have lost my mind! If I missed you it is only because I am in a hurry and I will think of you while I am driving somewhere and be mad at myself and will have to come and edit this post later so check back...

But mostly to God for giving me the strength to wake up each morning and realize that his GRACE and LOVE is NEW every day!!! How cool is that!!!!!!!!!

Have a great week! Love you all!!!

Wait upon...the Lord?

Today I am overwhelmed! No, not by kids or work or even my husband...but by feelings. Regret, loss, despair, anger, uncertainty...the list goes on. Last Thursday I received a call that a friend of mine was very ill and was asked to pray. An hour later I received the call that she did not make it. That night I just sat in utter disbelief. How, Why, What???

The next day,Friday, was my 11th anniversary and the whole time I just held my husband as tight as possible and cherished every moment we were together. I felt very guilty...

That brings me to yesterday. Before I go on I will give you some insight about my friend's love for me. She was someone who taught me that no matter what you are going through to always embrace life and to remember that we are given life because God has a plan for us, there were not accidents in life.

She held me the night my nephew was killed and did not give me advice or her opinion but in silence she comforted me. Then a few months later I was again going through some difficult times...this time it was people who had hurt me and I was working on distancing myself from these people. On the phone one night she said she would pray with me (and offered to kick some bu**) but to remember that God does not allow for accidents, but for Divine meetings for all. And although I may be hurt by these people God expected me to love them, even if it was from a distance. WHOA!

Now you must think, she is amazingly full of love...yes she was but she also had the wind knocked out of her, literally. She was diagnosed with Pulmonary hypertension (rare blood vessel disorder of the lung in which the pressure in the pulmonary artery (the blood vessel that leads from the heart to the lungs) rises above normal levels and may become life threatening.)about 4 years ago. She was on oxygen 24x7 and was told not to pick up anything over 10lbs or more (like her kids :(). She could literally die at any given moment...so SHE choose to live every moment like it WAS her last.

One night I picked her up to go to a meeting and she looked over and asked "if I was hungry would you take me somewhere? I said YES...are you hungry? she just laughed and said no but I need a back up plan in case I get bored at this meeting"...we laughed the whole way there. She had twin girls and a wonderful husband and parents...they would come out to meet us in the drive way and were so tender with my friend. She was loved dearly!

She was doing well these last few months, she was in a drug trial and in a recent email was raving about her success. I saw here a few times here and there this past year and we talked over email about silly stuff. The last time I saw her was downtown on the circle while we were viewing the lights during the holidays. I was shocked to see her in a wheelchair and when I reached down to hug her I did not know it would be my last hug...

So that now brings me back to today. As I sat amongst some friends I realized that the old cliche that life is too short was oh so true. Life is to short to let people or circumstances get you down. You should live every day like it is your last. There are those in our lives who inspire us and we should cherish them for they are far and few. I believe my friend was sent here by God to show us that his love lasts forever...As I will love her forever for the lasting impression she has left on my life and those she touched.

Why do bad things happen to good people? If you asked my friend she would just shrug and tell you that life goes on and to hold onto the blessings that God has for each of us. We will ALWAYS be waiting upon the Lord for his next plan to be laid out so we must press on and press in and wait on his will to carry us. If that is all that God wants of me, I can do that! I know my friend waited upon the Lord for even her next breath, every day! Now that is faith, hope and love all in one.

Goodbye dear friend. I miss you more than words can say...I will always love you and will cherish the laughter and life that we shared...

Psalm 27:14Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Big, Bigger and BIGGEST!

There I stand at Target as my kids are screaming at the top of their lungs "NO...I AM THE BIGGEST" I am a million shades of red and would like to find some duct tape to silence them but instead I just belt out "God is bigger than ALL of you and if you do not hush he himself will come down and punish you for embarrassing me!!!"... Let's just say that for MILES (it seemed) there was silence. Not just from my kids but from all of those around me.

Taking this story back a few minutes earlier would give you a bit more insight... I hope. You see my little Tryston has life threatening food allergies to dairy, eggs and peanuts and can not actually sit in the cart at the grocery store since he has a touch allergy. So in order to avoid a fight (BIG LOL) I have always told the twins they were too big for the cart. This normally works as I only take them on very short trips like 1-2 items. However on this day I started WW3 at Target between the twins. I swear I didn't mean to!!! I just made a simple statement..."No guys, no one can get in the cart because you are too big" But you see they are getting older and have personalities of their own now. Let's just say that my womb is the ONLY thing they have shared in the last 3 years and even that was rough waters.

The real issue is with Elyse. She has recently been told that she is 1 inch taller that Tryston so to her she is bigger...So that is the wind that blew the fire to a blaze!

After this most embarrassing moment I regained my composure and began walking out of the door until some old guy started clapping for me. Let's just say I felt bad enough...but come on you JERK!!! He leaned over as we were walking out the door and said in a fairly loud voice "It is about time parents these day recognize that kids should fear God and how big he really is." I got in the car and just sat there in awe...and said HUH??? Yeah, I cried too. Nothing new there.

Today I think I finally get it. We as parents revert to showing kids this lovey-dovey happy God. Granted he does love us..but where is the FEAR that I learned as a child that kept me form disobedience? Ours kids need that! I know I need it! Yes, we think we are all so big and all that...but GOD if bigger that the biggest!

Psalm 104:32 he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains, and they smoke. :)