What was I thinking?

There are many times I pose this question…do you? Like when I take my kids to Chuckie Cheese, or brave a store with all THREE…or only buy one of something when I know I need three to prevent WW3 breaking out in the Espiritu home.

But today I sit and realize that my kids are not longer babies! What was I thinking having three kids…knowing that they will just grow-up and leave one day. I am so attached to them it kills me to think about one more birthday sneaking up on me! The twins will be 4 tomorrow…and just a few weeks later Bryce will be 11! Where did the time go?

This weekend Elyse and I pulled out some albums of when I was in high school and as we were looking at the pictures she kept asking me who all of these people were. There were several pictures of me going to dances and she would ask “Is that Daddy with you there?” I had to explain who each person was and why I was with them. But we got to one picture in the past and she asked me if I still had the dress. I told her that I had since given it away…and she asked “what were you thinking?” She thought the dress was just beautiful!

Granted I am not a sentimental person when it comes to things. In fact I am very unattached to things at this time in my life. Past experiences left me numb to what money can buy. It is true that money can’t but you love…but it can bring you the illusion of love if you feel empty inside. Should things that are old bring you joy? My grandfather Fred’s bible brings warmth from the word of God to soul. My mother’s ironing board brings me laughter of how my husband proposed to me…That is what things should bring to you.

One day, when I am gone I do not want my children or grandchildren to wonder, “what was she thinking”…I want them to know that every thought and every move I made in life had purpose and meaning.

Psalm 33:11But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.